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packing woes

oh god. I'm packing for the move, and throwing out beautiful clothes that are way too small. I hold them up and it looks like a child would fit into them. it's crazy to think how your mind changes with your body; I think, "how could I have possible fit into that less than two years ago? it's impossibly small." And back then I was asking the same things about even smaller clothes.

it's making me feel sick, I'm dizzy and teary and nauseous. fuck. I fucking hate this. Why couldn't i see that I looked good before? I felt chubby when I had a 26 inch waist. i was a size 2. how the fuck did I think I was chubby? I couldn't even enjoy my skinny years. It's my mom's fault I think, she was always telling me i was gaining weight. WTF I WAS A FUCKING SIZE 2.

It seems so shallow to be so affected by all of this, but I can't help it. fuck.


hey guys,

I got a new blog! that old one i posted about a while back was really for a class...so don't worry about that one. this one is to go with my website, for networking purposes, but it's still going to be fun and cool! I'd love you guys to add it to your readers or bookmark it.

Me and joey sign a lease for an apartment in Williamsburg Brooklyn tomorrow. The hallway and staircase are hella ghetto, but the actual apartment is nice, and (THANK GOD) the rooms are bigger. It's off the second stop from the L train from Manhattan so we're not too far out there. hopefully we'll make a lot of new friends there so i don't have to go back to brooklyn late at night.

We move on the 1st of June, please kill me, I'm so stressed and i really have too much stuff. ackkkkkkkkk. hate moving. please someone invent a teleporter. please, I'm begging you.

latest info

I graduated on friday...I have school up until then, I had a kidney infection and had to write a 10 page paper and prepare and present my portfolio through it. it was utter HELL.


here's a picture from my art opening a from a wile back, to see the work, check my (updated) site

here's my dress from boat dance

I don't know if any of the pictures my parents took at graduation of my dress came out, because i know a lot of them didn't.

I'm moving to brooklyn in two weeks, and i need to find an apartment there :/

still getting over the kidney infection, made me want to die at the bacchelorette (sp?) service. this is how stressed i was, my body conjured up the worst kidney infection ever at the worst possible time. I have be be a grown-up now...it's pretty scary. I hate moving.


hey everyone, here's the postcard for my show...the front and back together.

a bit of advice...

do NOT buy the new "chocolate mix" skittles

they're not like M&Ms, they're like skittles, but chocolate favored...all chewy. sick.

of course

my dreams have gotten back at me for posting my last entry (claiming I only have nightmares)

Had a wonderful dream last night!

I understand dreams are really boring to read about, unless you're in one. This is mainly for my own records, so feel free to skip it.

I was somehow in charge of a publicity thing for Hanson and Tom's shoes (buy one pair, one gets donated to somewhere poor- hanson is a big supporter). Taylor Hanson was the only hanson involved in this particular event, so I was posing him and some other people for a picture, holding up the shoes, ect.

For some reason, I was in the picture too...and I was so nervous about Taylor being there, so I kept having stupid ideas (like making everyone stand in a row and holding up a shoe to their face).

While I was doing all of this, Taylor got something out of my hair, and then motioned for me to whisper something into his ear. but i thought he wanted a kiss on the cheek, so i gave him one (completely giddy by this time); then he kind of stood back and looked at me, smiling. Everyone else around was like, "WHOOOO!" because it was obvious he was showing romantic interest in me, then he said something about his wife, something really dismissive.

I love having good dreams.

Feb. 29th, 2008

I don't understand why we have to suffer in our sleep.

It should be a release from life, but instead it is riddled with terrifying nightmares that seem to never end.

I haven't had a good dream in years (that i can remember)

I think it has to do with the Zoloft.

happy vagina day

i painted my nails like this for vday so i could semi flip it off. it makes sense. just let it happen.

i went on a fabulous date with britney!

-China Beer (Japanese Grill, not it's real name)
- max brenner's chocolate; the best chocolate desserts evar

and might i just say, once in a billion years, a random man on the street actually makes you feel good instead of skeeving you out;


"Oh wow, look at my lovely neighbor in her red valentines dress, what a lucky man you have, YOU ARE A GIFT! happy valentines day!"

said with such sincerity that it actually made my day. a lucky man, hah! I scoff at the thought! actually, Butter's pretty lucky.


A few things-

here's my website (I only have a few crappy images up now)

last night was 100 nights ( meaning 100 nights until the seniors graduate); it was a masquerade with wonderful food. So Britney couldn't go, Joey isn't a senior, my friend Hope didn't want to go, so I begged kristen to come.

observe us on out way to the masquerade, doesn't Kristen look thrilled?

so, turns out she's not technically a senior, so she was denied at the door. I had to enter the semi-formal even by-myself

to some, this may not seem like a big deal, but to me it's very important. I was pretty freaked out but i sucked it up and went in...I mingled for a while until I found a few girls I'd had a few classes with-

and it was pretty fun, btw this is the entire dress-

So la-di-dah, we were dancing, having a good time...then of course Tyler shows up.

Now for some background information:
take a look at this entry from 2005 and read the comments; that "anonymous" comment was from this girl named Griffin who I invited into my dorm room and gave jello shots to, but she was somehow offended that I was hanging out with her fuck buddy Corey who allison (my then roomate) was dating. I really don't understand what her deal was/is, but she really had problem with me for no reason but instead of confronting me, made an anonymous and grammatically incorrect  comment.

Back to 2008:
this issue was never resolved with Griffin; so I'm dancing, and what do I see? Griffin and Tyler all over each other dancing (it made it slightly better that tyler is a HORRIBLE dancer...no exaggeration). The were trying their best to bump and grind..
I tried to ignore it, i really really did. I stayed for about 6 more songs before they went to the bar and Griffin was touching him. It literally made me feel so sick that I had to leave.

Ugh, I don't understand why I have to be so affected..I'd give anything to not care.

However, I am comforted by the fact that if they ever dated, i know they would be disgusted with each other. HAHA, Griffin probably still reads this after all these years.

2nd degree burns and Butter photoshoot

BAHHHH this morning my mom brought me some tea to wake me up, she put it on a tray on my bed due to my instructions. Of course, my idiotic self was like, "ohh I'll just lay down for a sec,"


All of the sudden, I feel my skin burning, I knocked the tea over in my sleep and i have 2nd degree burns on my thigh and hip, it swelled up right away and my skin started peeling, after a few minutes, a gazillion blisters started to appear. Of course when explaining to my mom, I left out the part about my being asleep, and just told her i simply knocked it over.

It was so scary, we weren't sure for a while if we needed to go to the hospital or not. It hurt so bad but it's better now, all gauzed and wrapped up.

Yesterday, Jenni manned the camera for a butter and mommy photoshoot...it was funnnnn